Calm before the storm?

Ok, I'm getting seriously behind in my blogging habits and I apologise. Lots been going on lately, mostly at work. However, I don't want to become an illustration of "Cats in the Cradle" so I need to get a better handle on work items so that I'm around more.

Over the summer... actually, right around the time Zach was born, I was succesful in a job competition. In the federal government each job (in theory) is competed for. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it is a royal pain. A job competition (stop me if you've heard it before) involves several steps of evaluation like a written exam, an interview, perhaps another kind of test, reference checks etc... it takes forever. In this case, it took exactly 12 months and 5 days from when the deadline for applications was. Anyway, long story short, I won one of the 5 positions. Coincidentally, I also got a new director at the same time... he started while I was off for a couple of weeks when Zach was born. He has a different approach and pace than I was accustomed to and also came from outside our department. So, getting used to him and a new level has taken some getting used to. Feels like I've always got tons of work to do, no staff to do it, and everything is due yesterday.

This has caused me to be later than previous at getting home... tired when I am there... all time that I could be doing the daddy-thing instead of just weekends (when I'm tired from work as well).

Our little buddy has been remarkably good lately... particularly at the sleeping thing. Most of the last week, with a couple of exceptions, he's slept from 8pm until at least 5am... once until 7am... and yes, we did go in to make sure he was still breathing. He's incredibly alert much of the time and holds his neck up better now... so much so that he's now making use of the Bumbo that was purchased for him. And yes, the feature that gets most commented on is the hair... it sticks straight up and he's got a lot of it. People ask if we've given him a haircut yet but, sadly, no. It's widely entertaining as it'll stick straight up, about 10 minutes after it's washed.

As I said, he's been really good lately, which now makes me a bit nervous... is this the calm before the storm? Are we about to face some horrible stretch of devil child? We've been lucky in that he's healthy, happy, plays with things... sits up in the aforementioned chair...

Now, if he could help daddy with the mountain of snow Ottawa just got hit with in the last few days, I might start reducing those groundings we gave him for waking us up frequently...

Schmoochie smiles

I'm starting to realise that, with this little buddy of ours, that we've got it pretty good as far as babies go. I mean, he still gets up at an early hour, spits up on us periodically, and frankly the diapers ain't a picnic... but still, he hasn't (touch something wooden) gotten sick, he doesn't wail embarrassingly in a public place, we take him places and he's pretty well behaved. I see other babies that just seem to be absolute hell to deal with or their parents don't seem to get a minute's peace. So, for years from now when he's reading the odd ramblings of his old man, thanks Z.

I'm not particularly church-going but consider myself a spiritual person. However, I'm not opposed to attending church from time-to-time. By and large, the people there are very very nice and kind, and by nice twist of fate, the same minister that married us at a united church in another part of town has taken a position at the united church nearest to where we now live. She (yes, she) is a very sweet person and church very attend-able for me. I find myself listening and understanding her sermons as she makes them very 'real' for me (well, probably not just for me but you know what I mean). It was therefore a big honour, and nice continuance of the life journey, that Elizabeth (the minister) also baptized Zach. Years from now, Zach might ask why he was baptized and at this point, I don't know if I have a really clear answer for him. The formal explanation is that it begins his relationship with God and is welcomed into the community. For me, one's relationship with God or a higher power, is personal and each must discover their own journey and path. If Zach wants to have a relationship with the church or be part of the church community, I'll support him fully. If he chooses to express 'faith' in his own way, I support that too. If he chooses to have no relationship at all, again, I'm with him completely.

At 3.5 months, and a humourously full head of hair, Zach looks older than he is. Of course, the strong possibility that he's a prodigy still remains. He's got funny little grins (funnier still as they're toothless) and he's started making extended sounds (other than from his hind end) which we engage in chat with him. Several days in the past week, he's slept a few more hours and he maintains his busy schedule.

One day though, and it probably won't be long, he'll want to know and will ask "Dad, what's the point of Diet and Caffeine-free cola?? Isn't that just a waste of time?"

He's got a good point.

That's what Friends are For

One cannot get through life without a close friend. The term 'best' friend, to me, is the one that has both been there in longevity and significance. I often wonder what Zachary's friends will be like and if he'll be fortunate to get a friend that will face battles with him, share advice, make sure he has fun but protects him as well. That person, male or female, that he can turn to when he can't (or won't) turn to me.

I've been very lucky in the friends that I have and have had throughout my life. Grey's Anatomy coined a term, your best friend is your 'person'. My person I've known for 21 years now (which hardly seems possible... that would make me old). We got into many adventures in high school and I credit him with bringing me out of my shy shell and confront the adventures of life head-on. We went to the same university together, although this is where we started to define our own lives a bit more separately. It also took some adjusting on my part, not being as outgoing, to try and fit in on my own. Friendships evolve, grow with situations, ebb and flow like the tides... the strong one's endure. I've had friends that, when something traumatic happened or life changing, disapeared. I don't see them anymore. But your person is always there.

Perhaps not on daily basis like you were with friends in high school... but with your person, you know that even if days, weeks, months go by... they're always there. The sign of a solid friendship is that they occupy that part of you that you can access anytime you need to, even if you don't actually talk to them.

My parents never 'screened' my friends nor told me who I should hang out with. How did they embed in me the ability to find good friends? Just lucky I guess.

Red rover

I missed the first roll-over.

I mean, it's not my fault... I had to go to work... this whole management thing takes up a disturbing amount of time. But I hadn't been gone more than 15 minutes or so when I got the call that our little buddy had rolled himself over. Not once. Not twice... not even three times... but 4.

Sadly there's no video of this... yet... but hopefully he'll replicate the feat soon. As I understand it, this is a significant milestone. I'm thinking I should start checking driving schools, maybe some pre-admissions at university... people keep telling me time flies by so quickly... can't get on that stuff soon enough.

What comes next after the roll? Dancing perhaps... Perhaps soon to get the old man a drink?

This week also featured the little doodlebug's first outing to Gatineau Park and the Fall colours... I'm sure he was quite enraptured with the incredible scenery as it lulled him quickly to sleep. There's one lookout that was really spectacular and we sat out there, looking towards the west and the sunset... very very peaceful. It was great perspective... just us, looking out over the undisturbed landscape. I hope we go there often, perhaps occasionally just the two of us, to pause and reflect on whatever's happening in our lives and talk about it.

Right, well, I'm on the 5am shift... I wonder... sleeping through the night seems like such a distant dream.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly

I'm not sure if it's a parable, nursery rhyme, kids song or just something I've repressed from being in school in the 70's... but it went something like this. "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed that fly. Perhaps she'll die".

I'm now paranoid of this happening to little Smidget.

On the weekends, I get in the rotation of getting up in the middle of the night to tend to Smidget's needs... he generally gets up at 2:30am... roughly 90 minutes of feeding and small talk and then back to bed... and then he's up again around 5:30-6:00a. My wife, heroine that she is, does these middle-of-the-night duties during the week so that I'm somewhat rested for work. However, on the weekend, I'm in there... and we take turns. If I do the 2:30a the first night, I'll do the 5:30a the next night/morning.

Yeah yeah, I'm getting back to the fly thing.

So today, I was up at 5:40a with Smidget. He ate, we chatted, we reviewed the episode of the West Wing that we typically watch while eating. He dozes off and I try to do a few things... those of you that know me know that 6:30am Steve is a challenge in terms of functioning. This morning, while he was dozing in the bouncy chair (see earlier post), a fly kept landing on his head, face, nose etc.. and I would try to shoo it away without disturbing him. It occurred to me... what if this fly flew into his open mouth while I was downstairs putting in laundry or if I was in the bathroom? What if this was while he was sleeping and a fly just flew into the mouth??

The person that wrote that song seemed oddly detached and introspective. Sorta like 'gee, a fly, death could be pending'. I can't be so detached.

On a hike in Gatineau Park today I casually mentioned this to a friend. They didn't seem overly concerned... in fact, I think the quote was 'ah well, good protein'.

I'd bet the average fly is about the size of his little windpipe right now.

I wonder if I can set the video baby monitor (which also makes a sound if there's movement) to detect a fly?

One day he'll have to deal with love

One day... hopefully many many years from now... little smidget (I guess I shouldn't call him that when he's 16) will start getting interested in sex and love. One day he will fall in love. Some time after that, he'll fall in love again... and perhaps again and again. Perhaps one day he'll come to me in anguish to try and figure out why he keeps getting hurt by the opposite (or same, I'm not going to judge) sex. For the purposes of these stories, I'll use male/female relationships.

How will I explain to him that he might fall in love several times before he finds the right person at the right time and in the right circumstances. Notice I didn't say 'the one'. The 'one' is the person that meets those three criteria at once. It may or may not be the first person you fall in love with. If it happens for him as it did for me, the first person he falls in love with might not end up being 'the one'. It could be wonderful and feel like it's the perfect thing but circumstances might not work out. A good friend of mine once wisely said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or the rest of your life.

I had the misfortune (or fortune) to arrive at the wrong time of life for three women. My first love, a long-distance relationship that for many months felt like it was the one I'd always been looking for. There was intensity, magical feelings and that certainty of it being right that loves brings. Sadly, while she could sustain those types of feelings for a time, it wasn't the right time in her life for such a relationship and it ended very badly, since when you're not in that place... it's a difficult thing to communicate, especially for a young person, and miscommunication abound. It took us a couple of years of not talking, a couple more years of uncertain long-distance wondering, and a few years of sporadic communication before we could finally reach a peaceful level where we can appreciate what we had and allow ourselves to be enriched by it.

Sadly, this was not the first time this would happen... and this is where I'll have to figure out how to advise my stellar son how to deal when another situation similar to the first crops up. Another situation came up... this time I was a bit older but the relationship was with someone (like the first) at the age of 22. I learned, the hard way, that this is a very bad time to get involved with someone if you're thinking long-term. Women are changing at this age and often don't know what they want. Men are often too dense or driven by other things to realize this.


So love abounded again and was phenomenal for a time but again, the circumstances caught up and this was another 'season' relationship. Could've been right, but the time in life wasn't. More complicated this time... an even worse break-up and caused a stress disorder. I'll hopefully never have to relay these types of consequences to him when he reads these engaging stories but it's important all the same to know that even though it could feel like love, love going bad is equally bad as the love was good.

It happened again... another 'season', this time a bit shorter (oddly, still in the 22-23yr range) but the 'L' word came into play before things went downhill with someone else who didn't know what she wanted.

The bright side, and this is the bright spark that you give to someone who's gone through the trials of love... when you find the right person, at the right time of life, and with the right circumstances... it makes life truly worth living. For then, you see, you create a real 'life' and solid unshakeable love.

Then you start to worry about how you'll guide your offspring through the truly horrible exeriences they'll go through before they find that great combo. But are those experiences, in the end, really horrible. Sure they are... but they're also part of the fabric of your life, that make you who you are. Each experience with love, and loss, eventually make you better equipped to be 'real' with your perfect person.

Now, the sex question... hmm... I hope his first experience doesn't involve the advance billing that I got of "our first time will be horrible, but then it gets better".

Or maybe he'll just get a dog.

Ubu the Wonder Dog

It recently dawned on me that my last post may have left people with the impression that I was about to commit some heinous felony or snap and go on some sort of banshee rampage.

All is fine now.

That was a pretty rough weekend and then oddly enough, starting on the Monday, a pattern emerged which involved at least 5 hours consecutive sleep from 8:30-2:00am'ish. This continued more or less for the past week. Now, how long little munchkin sleeps after that is still random... maybe 2 or 3 more hours, it all depends.

This post is largely to give kudos to my staggeringly wonderful dog. We weren't sure how she'd handle a new addition in this house, having defined the space as 'you serve me' quite well. I knew she'd be good with a baby... I mean, she's a lab and all.. but I've seen her with babies before and she has a natural, gentle instinct for them. She's been extremely supportive and un-demanding when it's clear the baby needs attention. Of course, she could be doing this to invoke guilt... and it often results in that, but we appreciate it all the same.


Yesterday early morning (oh, say 3am) little Z started to stir. He's got the occasional habit of making a few noises but then goes right back to sleep. So my wife waits a minute and listens to determine if he's really awake or just stirring. I guess he was stirring sufficiently that Ubu got up from her bed, walked over to Julie's side of the bed, and shakes her hed so that her ears flap. This technique, often used to let us know it was time to attend to her needs (mostly food) wakes us up. Julie got up and went to Zach's room... Ubu watched her go, and then turned and settled back into bed. It was absolutely hilarious... or at least I picture it being hilarious, I was dead asleep.

Most of the time, she finds him mildly interesting but still continues on her business. She's cooperative during joint walks and gives him a little lick now and again. This, I believe, is also good... how else is he going to build up immunities and avoid allergies unless exposed to various elements?

Kudos to the Ubu... she's a good big sister.