How will I explain to him that he might fall in love several times before he finds the right person at the right time and in the right circumstances. Notice I didn't say 'the one'. The 'one' is the person that meets those three criteria at once. It may or may not be the first person you fall in love with. If it happens for him as it did for me, the first person he falls in love with might not end up being 'the one'. It could be wonderful and feel like it's the perfect thing but circumstances might not work out. A good friend of mine once wisely said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or the rest of your life.
I had the misfortune (or fortune) to arrive at the wrong time of life for three women. My first love, a long-distance relationship that for many months felt like it was the one I'd always been looking for. There was intensity, magical feelings and that certainty of it being right that loves brings. Sadly, while she could sustain those types of feelings for a time, it wasn't the right time in her life for such a relationship and it ended very badly, since when you're not in that place... it's a difficult thing to communicate, especially for a young person, and miscommunication abound. It took us a couple of years of not talking, a couple more years of uncertain long-distance wondering, and a few years of sporadic communication before we could finally reach a peaceful level where we can appreciate what we had and allow ourselves to be enriched by it.
Sadly, this was not the first time this would happen... and this is where I'll have to figure out how to advise my stellar son how to deal when another situation similar to the first crops up. Another situation came up... this time I was a bit older but the relationship was with someone (like the first) at the age of 22. I learned, the hard way, that this is a very bad time to get involved with someone if you're thinking long-term. Women are changing at this age and often don't know what they want. Men are often too dense or driven by other things to realize this.
So love abounded again and was phenomenal for a time but again, the circumstances caught up and this was another 'season' relationship. Could've been right, but the time in life wasn't. More complicated this time... an even worse break-up and caused a stress disorder. I'll hopefully never have to relay these types of consequences to him when he reads these engaging stories but it's important all the same to know that even though it could feel like love, love going bad is equally bad as the love was good.
It happened again... another 'season', this time a bit shorter (oddly, still in the 22-23yr range) but the 'L' word came into play before things went downhill with someone else who didn't know what she wanted.
The bright side, and this is the bright spark that you give to someone who's gone through the trials of love... when
you find the right person, at the right time of life, and with the right circumstances... it makes life truly worth living. For then, you see, you create a real 'life' and solid unshakeable love.Then you start to worry about how you'll guide your offspring through the truly horrible exeriences they'll go through before they find that great combo. But are those experiences, in the end, really horrible. Sure they are... but they're also part of the fabric of your life, that make you who you are. Each experience with love, and loss, eventually make you better equipped to be 'real' with your perfect person.
Now, the sex question... hmm... I hope his first experience doesn't involve the advance billing that I got of "our first time will be horrible, but then it gets better".
Or maybe he'll just get a dog.
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